9-year-old won't take care of belongings

Q: My son will not take care of toys or anything! We're always having to replace basketballs and other sports equipment, school books, everything. Recently he left his bicycle pump out in the yard where it rusted and had to be thrown out. He's 9 years old and should be old enough to take better care of his things. What can we do?

A: You're right, he's more than old enough to take care of his belongings. But as long as you continue to replace the lost and broken items, what incentive does he have to take care of anything? It isn't costing HIM anything! Stop looking for his things and putting them away, stop replacing broken and missing items. Let him figure out how to replace them. Give him a place for everything and help him get into the habit of putting everything in it's place. If he's like many American kids, he probably has way too much stuff as it is. Take this opportunity to go through everything and discard old, outgrown, or broken items. Try to recycle anything that can be passed on to someone else to enjoy.

Then organize his room, playroom, or garage. Show him where things belong and keep sports equipment together, books and puzzles on bookcases, and so on. Then inform him that you will no longer replace lost or broken items. He will have to figure out a way to replace things himself.

If you have to pay for lost school books, he is old enough to do lots of chores to work it off. The extra chores should not include making his own bed and cleaning his own room. It should be "community service" in the home...weeding, washing windows, washing woodwork and floors, and so on. This a great way for him to learn the value of a buck. He won't now, but he'll thank you one day.

And, until he starts taking better care of what he already owns, I wouldn't buy him a single new thing.