Myspace

Q:I have been shocked, as has most of the world it seems, over that Missouri girl who committed suicide because she was upset at the words of a boy who accused her of being not nice, etc., and a lot of nasty "bulletins" were posted about her. It turns out that the boy never existed, he was made up by a 47 year old woman, a mother who wanted to find out what Megan Meier was saying about her daughter. I have a 12-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old daughter, both want Myspace accounts. My husband and I have said no, as the Myspace rules are you have to be 14, I think. So they want to have an account when they are old enough. I am still leery about it, but our friends say that we're being too overprotective.


A: I, too, have been very saddened by the Megan Meier story. When it comes to the Internet, there is no such thing as "too overprotective" when it involves kids! My son - age 16- rarely is allowed to use a computer. As I told a reporter for the Atlanta Journal Constitution recently "I can verify that a teen will not die from lack of computer use." The sad thing is, I am often "attacked," for lack of a better word right now, because our son is not allowed to use the computer. The rare times that he does, we are in the room with him, and I'm savvy to the tricks kids can use.

"But that means you don't trust him!" That's right. He's a teen. :)

"He has to know how to use a computer when he gets to college!" Computer courses are now required of most incoming freshmen today. Several Ivy League professors have said "We want kids who can read, write, who can think critically. WE can teach computer use!"

"But he won't get to do what his peers do!" So what? I don't want him doing everything his peers do.

"You're just trying to control him!" Right. Who wants an out of control kid?

"He might sneak in computer use at a friends house!" He's too busy with school, EMT classes and golf to even go to a friend's home. But when he does, he has friends who seldom use computers and their parents are on the same page as we are. If they are not, their kids can come here, but my kid is not going to a home where he isn't supervised. Myspace has an age limit, and, sadly, too many parents allow underage kids to have an account. And, sadly, too many parents do not monitor their kids' use.

"But he won't know how to deal with people online!" So I should allow him to surf the 'Net and chat with strangers, in order for him to learn how to deal with online people later? Absurd. Should I also get him a woman so that he can start practicing sex now? Should I start giving him alcohol so that he can learn to drink responsibly?

You and your husband are the parents. Don't worry about what your friends think. Maybe if enough parents stand firm, stay tough, and don't cave in, other parents will follow suit. I leave you with four words:

Better safe than sorry.

* Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com