Q: My 9-year-old son has become a smartmouth. Anything we ask him to do, he has to make smart comments. If his sister draws a picture, he tells her she could do better. He makes snotty comments to me when I'm driving the car. You get the idea. We've told him over and over that is not acceptable speech, we've taken away TV shows but he still smartmouths and makes nasty comments.
A: I thought about this same subject recently when I observed a young man about 9 or 10, at the movies doing the same thing to his parents. They threatened to leave, but, of course, they didn't. He knew that after paying for the movies, popcorn, candy, and sodas, the parents weren't about to leave. Hopefully when they got home, he had consequences for his rudeness, but, if it had been me, we would have indeed taken him home. And he would have reimbursed us for the expenses.
When I was young, my parents would tell us kids that if we couldn't use toys correctly (throwing Barbie was not playing with it correctly. If we had added a parachute, that might have worked.), then we couldn't play with said toys for at least a week. Back then, we didn't have playrooms or three dozen other choices.
Likewise, if we jumped on the furiture or beat on the chairs, we were not allowed "furniture privileges" for a week. Standing up to eat meals for a week is not fun, and sitting on the floor to watch TV wasn't very comfy, either.
So, if your son cannot use his speech properly, then remove his "speaking privilieges" for 24 hours. He can speak at school, of course. But at home, no speaking. If he has a complaint, have him go write it down and submit it to you when the 24 hours are up. If he needs something, he should write it as well. If he speaks or makes any sort of sound that indicates disgust, or any other annoying sound, before the 24 hours are up, add another 24 hours. Seriously. You can try this and try that until you're blue in the face, or you can act.
And, don't ask your son to do anything. Tell him what it is you want him to do. "Please pick up these toys," not "Will you please pick up these toys." Give directions, don't ask for favors.
Try this consistently. Don't give up if it doesn't work the first few times. Stay your ground, let him know that you mean business.
* Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Copyright 2007 Julie P. Clark, Cobbs Creek, VA
Monday, November 19, 2007
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1 comments:
I actually did this with my 10 year old son recently and it seems to have worked! One of his sisters teased him about "losing his speech privileges" and she rapidly got the same treatment! The younger child takes all this in and told me "I'm going to use my talk good." I like having some ideas of what to do that will get their attention. We talked to our kids and explained and reminded and they said that they understood, blah blah blah. Taking away "speech privileges" has worked so much better than weekends in their room, no TV, etc. I like the taking away of furniture privileges, too. I sometimes watch my nephew and he was constantly jumping on the sofa and trying to get my kids to join him. I told him that the rule was no jumping on the furniture and if he didn't listen, he'd lose furniture privileges. Of course he tested me and was shocked when I followed through.
LOVE your advice. I always read your site but have never taken the time to say thanks. Keep up the good work!
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