Q: I am a fifth grade teacher and this past year we have seen an increase in girls being mean to each other--excluding, gossiping, and verbal abuse. These girls come from a variety of home situations and I don't think that all parents would work together to help stop this. Any advice?
A: What you are describing is relational aggression, a form of bullying engaged in mostly by girls (and can start as early as preschool!). In relational aggression, girls use relationships as weapons. You can read more about that at my relational aggression website, StopRAtoday.
It doesn't matter that the girls come from a variety of homes. And there is a lot that can be done to help this situation. There should be a school-wide anti-bullying policy (relational aggression is a serious form of psychological bullying), and it should be enforced across the board...top students and athletes should not be exempt from this policy, as is sometimes the case.
Written into the policy should be the consequences for bullying...first a warning, then parents are contacted, then more severe consequences for repeat offenders. If there is no school-wide policy, adopt a policy for your classroom and get other teachers onboard as well. Students and teachers should know what constitues bullying/relational aggression. It should not vary from classroom to classroom...the policy will have little "teeth" if some offenses are winked at or ignored in some classrooms and then enforced in others.
Parents should be made aware of the policy as well, and what the consequences will be.
You are to be commended for wanting to take a more proactive approach in the coming school year. Having a plan in place will go a long way toward resolving bullying/relational aggression.
For more information on what relational aggression is and what to do about it, I invite you check out my Guide on dealing with relational aggression. It is good for schools and any organizations who deal with children...Boys and Girls Clubs, Y's, Girl Scouts, religious groups, and even for parents who would like to know more about relational aggression and what they can do.
See this page for more info on the Guide and how to order: Relational Aggression: What It As and What Parents, Schools, and Other Organizations Can Do About It
Copyright 2008 Julie P. Clark
Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
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About Me
- Julie Clark
- Julie Clark is a freelance writer/web manager. Formerly from Richmond (and misses Ukrop's like crazy) she lives in Cobbs Creek, VA, not far from the Chesapeake Bay. She's written for both off- and on-line publications, and is Web Manager for DrDaveStein.com among a handful of other sites. Julie has been married for 29 years and has one son. Her son turned 18 this past summer and Julie turns 52. The next few years could be interesting. She does not allow teenage hormones in her house. "If anyone's gonna have hormones, it's me!" is her favorite saying. She's been described as "a pistol," but only when she's loaded. :) In the summer of 2008, Julie got her first guitar (a Taylor 410 acoustic) and it was love at first sight... The oldest of 7 kids, Julie has been honing her "mean skills" for most of her life. Sibling rivalry was never a problem...she's been known to "get even," rather than mad, in very creative ways. Locking one's brother in the grandparents' old outhouse is a fond memory. Perhaps not-so-fond for the brother, however. Julie is definitely mean, and wants other parents to be mean, too: Say what you mean and mean what you say...Mean Moms rock and rule!
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4 comments:
Hey, Mean Mom, thanks for stopping by my place. I am thrilled to know there is another blogger in Mathews. I may be calling on you to answer some of my technical questions, such as how do you plug the computer in?
Take care, and I look forward to reading more from you.
Same here...thanks for stopping by my site and...I am not far away either, just across the bridge. I love your site and your thoughts are clear and straight to the point. I like that. I too am a Mean mom and I will likely order a t-shirt. All my kids would agree...I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
It is always nice to make a new friend and I am glad that you think I am funny as well. Humor is my therapy.
I just discovered your blog by way of the Parental Rights site. I just wanted to say that this article has special meaning to me in particular. My daughter really suffered from relational abuse at school for years. It was so very hard for her. She would come home crying and just beg to never have to go back again. I tried several times to get the school to help with the problem, even hiring a counselor to meet with all the girls in the class and teach them team building games and excersizes. It didn't help very much at all, mostly because the mothers were all encouraging their daughters to be this way! About a third of the class's girl population were excluded from activities, birthday parties and sleepovers regularly because they weren't part of the "in" crowd. This year my daughter is 13 and in 7th grade and I had enough. I've pulled her out of school to homeschool her, and we're never going back. I wish that all schools would adopt a policy like this, and early, including the mothers in strategies to help combat these issues and save our daughters from what mine went through. Our local small town school has lost three girls in their tiny class due to this bullying already...and more are following suit.
I thank you Mean Mom for approaching this girls' problem ...In my opinion there's always a social background for such issue which should be treated with the 3 parts:
-Girl herself
-Parents
-School environment
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