Nine-year-old leaves messes

Q: My 9-year-old son is constantly leaving messes wherever he goes...shoes left in the downstairs bathroom, wet towels left on the floor, dirty dishes in the living room, and so on. School has been out for a few days now and all I do is yell at him to pick his stuff up. This is going to be a long summer and not a very fun one if this keeps up!

A: You're right, it will be a long, not fun summer if that keeps up. It sounds as if he has some long-standing bad habits and those need to be dealt with.

First off, tell him that you are no longer going to yell when he leaves messes. But that doesn't get him off of the hook. Make some new rules...no eating anywhere except at the table. Not in front of the TV or computer. Dishes must be put in the sink or washed, whichever you'd prefer him doing. He can leave the dishes on the table and leave any mess that he's made, but he has to stay at the table until the mess is cleaned up to your satisfaction. No going outside, no TV, etc.

The same with leaving his shoes or other clothing where they do not belong...the items can remain in the wrong place as long as he remains with the items. Not likely that he would want to spend much time in the bathroom, eh?

He "forgets" and makes a mess? Remind him that he has to go back and clean up the mess or stay there until it is cleaned up. Don't yell, or threaten. If the mess is not cleaned up before he goes to bed, then you can ground him from going places with his friends, eliminate TV/video games/computer, and so on...whatever it would take to motivate him to realize that it is in HIS best interests to take care of matters.

In the case of items left where they do not belong, confiscate the items and he has to perform chores to get them back. Some favorite (of parents!) chores are pulling weeds, washing woodwork, cleaning windows, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and so on. Nine is not too young to do these chores!

And train yourself not to yell. A strong parent has no reason to yell; yelling comes from weakness and loss of control. And be consistent with having him clean up his messes. Parents often have good intentions but fail to follow through. Kids realize this and will test you. Don't give up! Be a strong parent who says what they mean and mean what they say!


Julie Clark answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Copyright Julie P. Clark 2008

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