Kids rule the roost

Q: My husband's brother has 2 girls (6 and 3) who completely rule their home. They do what they want when they want, and worst of all they speak to their parents any way they want. I sometimes dread when we get together, because it is stressful and chaotic the entire time. They have almost no control over them. We don't know how to go about giving their girls discipline or instruction when they desperately need it while their parents are there but doing nothing. It is especially difficult since they treat us as the new parents who have so much to learn. I'm sure they would laugh at the thought of us giving them parenting advice. We recently had our first child, and we have already discussed ways of parenting in a completely opposite way. I'm concerned that the issue of our own children observing this behavior will become paramount in the years to come if we don't have a plan in place to address it, both with them and with our own children. Eager to hear your take on the situation.

A:That's a situation that I hear all too frequently. I'm always sorry to hear.

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as if the parents want to discipline
their children. Discipline requires consistent action. I think the
best that you can do would be to set firm limits of what you will and
will not tolerate in your own home. Require manners, to ask before
going into the kitchen for food or drink, to not open any doors in the
home that are closed. Whatever your rules are in your home should be
respected. The kids will internalize these lessons (they may not
always obey them!) but it will help them in the future when they
realize that they cant do whatever they want to wherever they are.

As for your own child, they will see such behavior in school. Let them
see you enfore the rules when those children are in your home, that
there are consequences for disobeying. Let them know that breaking
your rules will result in discipline.

It can be a sticky situation, I know. But make your rules, inform the
parents of your rules and when the kids are at your home, tell them
your rules--what is not allowed. Don't reward them for behaving...that
generally backfires.

Hope this helps, and thanks for writing!