Q: I'm a teacher in a small private school. The school has never had a policy on cell phone use, except during tests, because it wasn't much of a problem. But this year more students have phones with better features and have been texting and even visiting their Myspace and Facebook accounts with their phones. Any ideas on how to stop this?
A: I always have ideas. I think it would be wise for the school to come up with a policy (I know, I know...where are common sense and parents when you need them?) Send a letter home during the summer letting everyone know what the policy is regarding cell phones and what actions will be taken for any offenses. I'd envision running over them with the nearest SUV (running over the cell phones, not the students). Not doable but one can dream, eh?
I'd suggest having each student and parent sign copies of the cell phone policy to show that they know what the rules are. The first time (I wouldn't give too many chances in this regard or the policy is virtually meaningless), I would take the phone and call the parents from the phone right then and there. Most parents take calls from their children so chances are good you'd reach a parent.
Repeated infractions could possibly mean losing cell phone privileges on the campus for the rest of the year, even if it is the first week of school. A policy with no teeth is no policy at all.
In the meantime, when a student is found to be using his/her cell phone at an inappropriate time, take the cell phone until the end of the school day. These are high tech toys and students shouldn't be playing with toys in class. If the student has a repeat offense, tell the student that he/she can have the phone back when a parent comes to get it. A few times of this and maybe the parents will enforce policies of their own. One can hope.
copyright Julie P. Clark 2009
Please seek permission before using
Friday, May 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Teens and sexting
Q: My daughter's friend recently got into trouble at school for "sexting." The phone was taken away and the parents were notified. However, the parents gave the phone back to her after only a few days with instructions to "not do that again." Do you think that a warning is sufficient enough? I've only become aware of sexting recently from reports in the news and now my daughter's friend. What should we tell our daughter?
A: You tell her the same thing that you have (hopefully) told her already about social networking sites and the like: posting nude photos of oneself anywhere is inappropriate. Sending sex-related emails or texts is inappropriate. Warnings are generally not sufficient after an offense...consequences, and memorable ones, are what is needed.
You set forth your family values about what is expected and what is not tolerated. Teens need to receive the strong message that sexting is not tolerated.
I've recently revised my "cell phone rules for teens" document which may be accessed for free here: Cell Phone Rules for Teens
A: You tell her the same thing that you have (hopefully) told her already about social networking sites and the like: posting nude photos of oneself anywhere is inappropriate. Sending sex-related emails or texts is inappropriate. Warnings are generally not sufficient after an offense...consequences, and memorable ones, are what is needed.
You set forth your family values about what is expected and what is not tolerated. Teens need to receive the strong message that sexting is not tolerated.
I've recently revised my "cell phone rules for teens" document which may be accessed for free here: Cell Phone Rules for Teens
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Give them chores to keep them busy
Q: My 9 and 11 year old daughters are driving me crazy! It is nothing but constant bickering, yelling, and chasing through the house. It is impossible to get anything done (I work from home) and homeschool. The youngest will borrow something from her sister without asking and then the oldest gets mad and it becomes war on an almost daily basis. Sometimes the war lasts all day and I'm worn out. I've tried putting them in separate rooms when they start to fight but they will yell through the house, and make a mess of whatever room they are in (our house is small so they share a bedroom). I'd be grateful for any suggestions.
A: They're driving you crazy because you've let them have the keys, and they're too young too drive. Take back the keys. Instead of putting them in separate rooms as a punishment, just give them separate jobs...one can clean the bathroom while one pulls weeds. One can wash the woodwork or clean window wells while one washes the trash cans. You've just killed a lot of birds with one stone...your house is getting cleaner, your yard is looking better, they are too far apart to fight. You can work in peace. They are learning how to maintain a home.
You don't need to point out that they are being punished. But as soon as one of them starts something, give them both jobs to do. Kids these ages can do a lot...give them chores such as dusting, vaccuuming, washing woodwork, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen...look around, see what needs doing and assign them jobs.
Better than waiting for the fighting to begin, give them regular jobs (in my day they were called "chores") to do. If you haven't already, establish a routine...up, washed and dressed, breakfast. Chores or school work as your situation calls for.
Have them also begin learning to prepare meals...perhaps one can make lunch one day and her sister helps with dinner prep, and then switch the next day. They may not realize it now, and they almost certainly won't thank you for it now, but the valuable skills that they are learning in the 'classroom of the home' will serve them well in life.
A: They're driving you crazy because you've let them have the keys, and they're too young too drive. Take back the keys. Instead of putting them in separate rooms as a punishment, just give them separate jobs...one can clean the bathroom while one pulls weeds. One can wash the woodwork or clean window wells while one washes the trash cans. You've just killed a lot of birds with one stone...your house is getting cleaner, your yard is looking better, they are too far apart to fight. You can work in peace. They are learning how to maintain a home.
You don't need to point out that they are being punished. But as soon as one of them starts something, give them both jobs to do. Kids these ages can do a lot...give them chores such as dusting, vaccuuming, washing woodwork, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen...look around, see what needs doing and assign them jobs.
Better than waiting for the fighting to begin, give them regular jobs (in my day they were called "chores") to do. If you haven't already, establish a routine...up, washed and dressed, breakfast. Chores or school work as your situation calls for.
Have them also begin learning to prepare meals...perhaps one can make lunch one day and her sister helps with dinner prep, and then switch the next day. They may not realize it now, and they almost certainly won't thank you for it now, but the valuable skills that they are learning in the 'classroom of the home' will serve them well in life.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Magical Toys
Just read an interesting article about childhood toys. As a fifty-something who collects nostalgic toys (and around 5000 marbles!), I connected with this article. And, for the most part, my son (now 17.5) has rarely had a battery operated toy (unless it was a gift from grandparents who also supplied batteries). We bought things like wagons, tricycles, balls, blocks. As he got older, it was bikes, Frisbees, Lego's, sports equipment. Board and card games. Now that he's a teen, he prefers music and things for his car. We tried to see that he had as much of an "old-fashioned" childhood as possible. Playing in the sandbox (built by Dad) with his buddies, making mud pies...things that cost very little but are still fondly remembered.
If you haven't already bought all of your children's presents, try to keep this article in mind as you shop. As a child, our presents were: a pair of pajamas or a night gown, a book, and a toy of some sort...board game, jacks and marbles, a doll (and it did not cost more than some people in third world countries make in an entire year). That was it. We children made gifts for each other, usually an ornament depicting something about our siblings...a baseball ornament for one brother, a knitted ornament for a sister who loved knitting. When we were grown, we had those memories to take with us and begin the traditions anew in our own homes.
This is the article that I just read. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
When Toys Were Magical Without Being Pricey by Christy Oglesby
If you haven't already bought all of your children's presents, try to keep this article in mind as you shop. As a child, our presents were: a pair of pajamas or a night gown, a book, and a toy of some sort...board game, jacks and marbles, a doll (and it did not cost more than some people in third world countries make in an entire year). That was it. We children made gifts for each other, usually an ornament depicting something about our siblings...a baseball ornament for one brother, a knitted ornament for a sister who loved knitting. When we were grown, we had those memories to take with us and begin the traditions anew in our own homes.
This is the article that I just read. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
When Toys Were Magical Without Being Pricey by Christy Oglesby
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Mean Girls
Q: I am a fifth grade teacher and this past year we have seen an increase in girls being mean to each other--excluding, gossiping, and verbal abuse. These girls come from a variety of home situations and I don't think that all parents would work together to help stop this. Any advice?
A: What you are describing is relational aggression, a form of bullying engaged in mostly by girls (and can start as early as preschool!). In relational aggression, girls use relationships as weapons. You can read more about that at my relational aggression website, StopRAtoday.
It doesn't matter that the girls come from a variety of homes. And there is a lot that can be done to help this situation. There should be a school-wide anti-bullying policy (relational aggression is a serious form of psychological bullying), and it should be enforced across the board...top students and athletes should not be exempt from this policy, as is sometimes the case.
Written into the policy should be the consequences for bullying...first a warning, then parents are contacted, then more severe consequences for repeat offenders. If there is no school-wide policy, adopt a policy for your classroom and get other teachers onboard as well. Students and teachers should know what constitues bullying/relational aggression. It should not vary from classroom to classroom...the policy will have little "teeth" if some offenses are winked at or ignored in some classrooms and then enforced in others.
Parents should be made aware of the policy as well, and what the consequences will be.
You are to be commended for wanting to take a more proactive approach in the coming school year. Having a plan in place will go a long way toward resolving bullying/relational aggression.
For more information on what relational aggression is and what to do about it, I invite you check out my Guide on dealing with relational aggression. It is good for schools and any organizations who deal with children...Boys and Girls Clubs, Y's, Girl Scouts, religious groups, and even for parents who would like to know more about relational aggression and what they can do.
See this page for more info on the Guide and how to order: Relational Aggression: What It As and What Parents, Schools, and Other Organizations Can Do About It
Copyright 2008 Julie P. Clark
Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
A: What you are describing is relational aggression, a form of bullying engaged in mostly by girls (and can start as early as preschool!). In relational aggression, girls use relationships as weapons. You can read more about that at my relational aggression website, StopRAtoday.
It doesn't matter that the girls come from a variety of homes. And there is a lot that can be done to help this situation. There should be a school-wide anti-bullying policy (relational aggression is a serious form of psychological bullying), and it should be enforced across the board...top students and athletes should not be exempt from this policy, as is sometimes the case.
Written into the policy should be the consequences for bullying...first a warning, then parents are contacted, then more severe consequences for repeat offenders. If there is no school-wide policy, adopt a policy for your classroom and get other teachers onboard as well. Students and teachers should know what constitues bullying/relational aggression. It should not vary from classroom to classroom...the policy will have little "teeth" if some offenses are winked at or ignored in some classrooms and then enforced in others.
Parents should be made aware of the policy as well, and what the consequences will be.
You are to be commended for wanting to take a more proactive approach in the coming school year. Having a plan in place will go a long way toward resolving bullying/relational aggression.
For more information on what relational aggression is and what to do about it, I invite you check out my Guide on dealing with relational aggression. It is good for schools and any organizations who deal with children...Boys and Girls Clubs, Y's, Girl Scouts, religious groups, and even for parents who would like to know more about relational aggression and what they can do.
See this page for more info on the Guide and how to order: Relational Aggression: What It As and What Parents, Schools, and Other Organizations Can Do About It
Copyright 2008 Julie P. Clark
Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Nine-year-old leaves messes
Q: My 9-year-old son is constantly leaving messes wherever he goes...shoes left in the downstairs bathroom, wet towels left on the floor, dirty dishes in the living room, and so on. School has been out for a few days now and all I do is yell at him to pick his stuff up. This is going to be a long summer and not a very fun one if this keeps up!
A: You're right, it will be a long, not fun summer if that keeps up. It sounds as if he has some long-standing bad habits and those need to be dealt with.
First off, tell him that you are no longer going to yell when he leaves messes. But that doesn't get him off of the hook. Make some new rules...no eating anywhere except at the table. Not in front of the TV or computer. Dishes must be put in the sink or washed, whichever you'd prefer him doing. He can leave the dishes on the table and leave any mess that he's made, but he has to stay at the table until the mess is cleaned up to your satisfaction. No going outside, no TV, etc.
The same with leaving his shoes or other clothing where they do not belong...the items can remain in the wrong place as long as he remains with the items. Not likely that he would want to spend much time in the bathroom, eh?
He "forgets" and makes a mess? Remind him that he has to go back and clean up the mess or stay there until it is cleaned up. Don't yell, or threaten. If the mess is not cleaned up before he goes to bed, then you can ground him from going places with his friends, eliminate TV/video games/computer, and so on...whatever it would take to motivate him to realize that it is in HIS best interests to take care of matters.
In the case of items left where they do not belong, confiscate the items and he has to perform chores to get them back. Some favorite (of parents!) chores are pulling weeds, washing woodwork, cleaning windows, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and so on. Nine is not too young to do these chores!
And train yourself not to yell. A strong parent has no reason to yell; yelling comes from weakness and loss of control. And be consistent with having him clean up his messes. Parents often have good intentions but fail to follow through. Kids realize this and will test you. Don't give up! Be a strong parent who says what they mean and mean what they say!
Julie Clark answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Copyright Julie P. Clark 2008
Are you a "mean mom," who "says what she means and means what she says"? Then let the world know! Order your Mean Mom T-shirt today, while supplies last! Two colors to choose from. Visit the order page to view photos and ordering information. Mean Mom T-shirts
A: You're right, it will be a long, not fun summer if that keeps up. It sounds as if he has some long-standing bad habits and those need to be dealt with.
First off, tell him that you are no longer going to yell when he leaves messes. But that doesn't get him off of the hook. Make some new rules...no eating anywhere except at the table. Not in front of the TV or computer. Dishes must be put in the sink or washed, whichever you'd prefer him doing. He can leave the dishes on the table and leave any mess that he's made, but he has to stay at the table until the mess is cleaned up to your satisfaction. No going outside, no TV, etc.
The same with leaving his shoes or other clothing where they do not belong...the items can remain in the wrong place as long as he remains with the items. Not likely that he would want to spend much time in the bathroom, eh?
He "forgets" and makes a mess? Remind him that he has to go back and clean up the mess or stay there until it is cleaned up. Don't yell, or threaten. If the mess is not cleaned up before he goes to bed, then you can ground him from going places with his friends, eliminate TV/video games/computer, and so on...whatever it would take to motivate him to realize that it is in HIS best interests to take care of matters.
In the case of items left where they do not belong, confiscate the items and he has to perform chores to get them back. Some favorite (of parents!) chores are pulling weeds, washing woodwork, cleaning windows, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and so on. Nine is not too young to do these chores!
And train yourself not to yell. A strong parent has no reason to yell; yelling comes from weakness and loss of control. And be consistent with having him clean up his messes. Parents often have good intentions but fail to follow through. Kids realize this and will test you. Don't give up! Be a strong parent who says what they mean and mean what they say!
Julie Clark answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Copyright Julie P. Clark 2008
Are you a "mean mom," who "says what she means and means what she says"? Then let the world know! Order your Mean Mom T-shirt today, while supplies last! Two colors to choose from. Visit the order page to view photos and ordering information. Mean Mom T-shirts
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Son can do his own laundry
Q: My 12 year-year-old son is forever putting his clean laundry back into the dirty clothes hamper instead of putting it away. The laundry then needs to be rewashed because it is mixed with the dirty clothing and wet towels. After it gets washed and dried again, I then have to stand over him and make him put things away properly. Help me to end this battle!
A: There's no need to have a battle. Simply show him how to operate the washer and dryer. Give him a lesson is sorting the clothing, how to measure the detergent and so on. Put up a stain removal chart and write out the steps on index cards and laminate the cards, then display them near the washer/dryer.
Put him in charge of taking care of his own laundry. If a child can operate a microwave, computer, video game system, and so on, he can operate a washer and dryer. Twelve is definitely old enough to take care of this chore. Then relax! Enjoy the extra time doing something you like to do.
Copyright 2008 Julie P. Clark
Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Are you a "mean mom," who "says what she means and means what she says"? Then let the world know! Order your Mean Mom T-shirt today, while supplies last! Two colors to choose from. Visit the order page to view photos and ordering information. Mean Mom T-shirts
A: There's no need to have a battle. Simply show him how to operate the washer and dryer. Give him a lesson is sorting the clothing, how to measure the detergent and so on. Put up a stain removal chart and write out the steps on index cards and laminate the cards, then display them near the washer/dryer.
Put him in charge of taking care of his own laundry. If a child can operate a microwave, computer, video game system, and so on, he can operate a washer and dryer. Twelve is definitely old enough to take care of this chore. Then relax! Enjoy the extra time doing something you like to do.
Copyright 2008 Julie P. Clark
Julie answers parenting questions in the members-only area of DrDaveStein.com
Are you a "mean mom," who "says what she means and means what she says"? Then let the world know! Order your Mean Mom T-shirt today, while supplies last! Two colors to choose from. Visit the order page to view photos and ordering information. Mean Mom T-shirts
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
