It’s a Fork, It’s a Spoon, It’s a ... Weapon?
A 6-year-old first grader was kicked out of school. What, did he kiss a girl on the cheek? Burp too loudly? Fart? Chew gum? Nope. He is a very proud Cub Scout and proud, as most boys are, of his camping tool that functions as a spoon, a fork, and a oh-my-God--knife!!! I'm sure that eating lunch with his new tool was all that he had on his mind, but it appears that some supposedly well-intentioned folks have lost theirs. Here's a clue, school folks everywhere: Zero tolerance is bullshit. Zero tolerance equals zero common sense, which we in America seem to be sorely lacking these days.
Yes, Mean Mom is pissed off. Highly. Nice way to get this young man started on his educational path. And from reading the website his folks set up, these are very involved parents and this is one highly intelligent young man. Read for yourself here Help Zachary and then sign the petition and/or send Zachary a note.
Addendum to earlier post:I looked at the website for the school system where Zachary went to school. It says this "We must make decisions in the best interest of students. We must celebrate our successes, but we must also challenge our assumptions and chart a new, accelerated agenda for excellence. We must continue to review current strategies we have in place and use data to determine whether those strategies are working..." Read the rest here: Christina School District Sounds good but I'm thinkin' those nice words should be applied in Zachary's case.
Julie Clark
www.AskMeanMom.com
www.StopRAtoday.com
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Missing the bus
Q: Here it is the first few weeks of school and my 8 year old son has missed the bus four times! I've gone back to work this year and it is in the opposite direction of school. BY the time I get him into the car, stop at McDonald's for a breakfast, and drop him off, I'm 20 minutes late to work. Then I have to work late to make it up, and have to find someone to be there when my son gets off of his bus in the afternoon. What can I do? This is making me crazy!
A: For one thing, you have to realize that you're rewarding him for missing the bus...a fast food breakfast is something many kids would love and it "may" be the reason he misses the bus. I'd miss the bus if someone would take me out for coffee and a bagel.
So set the scene for him: "When your bus comes, you will be getting on it. I don't care if you are in your pajamas or barefoot but you are getting on that bus. If you miss it, it won't be pretty." Or words to that effect, as long as they are short and to the point.
Say he does miss the bus again. If you can't find someone else to drive him, you'll have to. Have a box of dry cereal (the small individual ones) and a bottle of water handy. Give them to him in the car and let him know that's breakfast. You'll save a lot of time by not stopping for breakfast.
That evening, no TV, no computer, no video games. He has dinner as soon as possible and does homework. To bed at least an hour early because if he can't catch the bus on time, he must be really, really tired. Then put your feet up, have a glass of wine.
The point is to drive him crazier than he drives you so that the madness stops...I'd also have him go to bed early on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as well so that he will be good and rested.
Missing the bus has been no real problem for him, and he was rewarded for doing so...time to pull the rug out from under and turn the tables.
Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
A: For one thing, you have to realize that you're rewarding him for missing the bus...a fast food breakfast is something many kids would love and it "may" be the reason he misses the bus. I'd miss the bus if someone would take me out for coffee and a bagel.
So set the scene for him: "When your bus comes, you will be getting on it. I don't care if you are in your pajamas or barefoot but you are getting on that bus. If you miss it, it won't be pretty." Or words to that effect, as long as they are short and to the point.
Say he does miss the bus again. If you can't find someone else to drive him, you'll have to. Have a box of dry cereal (the small individual ones) and a bottle of water handy. Give them to him in the car and let him know that's breakfast. You'll save a lot of time by not stopping for breakfast.
That evening, no TV, no computer, no video games. He has dinner as soon as possible and does homework. To bed at least an hour early because if he can't catch the bus on time, he must be really, really tired. Then put your feet up, have a glass of wine.
The point is to drive him crazier than he drives you so that the madness stops...I'd also have him go to bed early on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as well so that he will be good and rested.
Missing the bus has been no real problem for him, and he was rewarded for doing so...time to pull the rug out from under and turn the tables.
Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Sunday, August 30, 2009
My daughter wants to be a vegetarian
Q: Recently, my 14-year-old daughter told me that she doesn't want to eat animals anymore and wants to become a vegetarian. She has always had a soft spot for animals and wants to be a veterinarian one day. But I have three other kids and a husband to cook for and don't have the time or energy to prepare something different for her. Any advice?
A: I'm a vegetarian myself (although not a vegan) so I can give you some advice. In addition, I wrote a response to a similar question a few years ago which you can read here:
Daughter wants to experiemnt with vegetarianism
Many libraries carry magazines devoted to vegetarian eating, so have her check and see if they do. I personally like Vegetarian Times and VegNews magazines. Have her read these magazines to come up with meal ideas and then have her work with you in the kitchen to prepare them. At age 14, she is well old enough to be learning to cook. And there are many foods that are vegetarian that your family likely already enjoys.
She will need to learn about various ways to get protein and her iron and vitamin needs met. If she's truly serious about this as a lifestyle choice, then give her the responsibility for coming up with meal ideas, working with what you have planned, and preparing the meals. Working together on planning meals will be time well spent and will be a help to her when she is on her own one day...a life skill that too many young people do not have these days.
Eating vegetarian properly is a healthy way of eating so support her efforts and be there to guide her as needed, but let her assume the majority of the responsibility. She can handle it.
Copyright 2009 Julie P. Clark
A: I'm a vegetarian myself (although not a vegan) so I can give you some advice. In addition, I wrote a response to a similar question a few years ago which you can read here:
Daughter wants to experiemnt with vegetarianism
Many libraries carry magazines devoted to vegetarian eating, so have her check and see if they do. I personally like Vegetarian Times and VegNews magazines. Have her read these magazines to come up with meal ideas and then have her work with you in the kitchen to prepare them. At age 14, she is well old enough to be learning to cook. And there are many foods that are vegetarian that your family likely already enjoys.
She will need to learn about various ways to get protein and her iron and vitamin needs met. If she's truly serious about this as a lifestyle choice, then give her the responsibility for coming up with meal ideas, working with what you have planned, and preparing the meals. Working together on planning meals will be time well spent and will be a help to her when she is on her own one day...a life skill that too many young people do not have these days.
Eating vegetarian properly is a healthy way of eating so support her efforts and be there to guide her as needed, but let her assume the majority of the responsibility. She can handle it.
Copyright 2009 Julie P. Clark
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Son bullied in summer school
Q: My 9 year old son was recently bullied by another boy in his summer school class. My son doesn't know this boy as they were not in regular classes together during the school year. My son's shirt was ripped, he received scratches (bloody) on his face and arm, and one scratch became infected so I had to take him to the doctor. This boy also tries to trip my son and calls him vulgar names. The school will not tell us who the bully is and anything else about the situation other than "it is being addressed." They will not tell me how it is being addressed, such as what consequences the bully has had, if his parents know, or what steps the school is taking to help my son. We've tried being patient but our patience is worn thin now and my son has 2 weeks left of summer school and is dreading each day. Thanks for any insight!
A: Your story is one that I hear more times than I can count. We received the same go 'round when our son was bullied in his school some years ago. The school will likely cite privacy rights so ask them what rights your son has and what your rights as a taxpaying citizen are. You're likely to get stares, dropped jaws and non-answers. For whatever reasons, schools seem bound to protect the bullies and guard their rights.
As a parent, you cannot properly protect your child until you know who the bully is...he may be a neighbor, your son may have to ride the bus or walk to school with this boy, and so on. Ask the school why they are covering up for this boy. Since your son received injuries that required a doctor, you may want to consider legal advice and letting the school know that you are seeking counsel. Rather than bullying, your son was assaulted and is the continuing target of the bully.
I would have little trust in a school who not only failed to protect my child but then also engaged in cover up and refusing to cooperate with the parents of the victim to seek solutions. In cases such as these, I suggest seeking legal counsel from a source in your area. It isn't fair that you will be inconvenienced, it isn't fair that you will likely have legal fees on top of doctor bills, it isn't fair that your son is bullied/assaulted and the school is not cooperating...I've been there, done that. Your alternatives to not seeking legal advice would be to homeschool or change schools. But changing schools is not an easy thing to do and no guarantee that it won't happen elsewhere. Homeschooling is a major undertaking and not all can do it. Just something to think about.
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Julie has written a Guide for parents, schools, and other organizations to deal with bullying/relational aggression issues:
Relational Aggression: What it is, and What Parents, Schools, and Other Organizations Can Do About It
A: Your story is one that I hear more times than I can count. We received the same go 'round when our son was bullied in his school some years ago. The school will likely cite privacy rights so ask them what rights your son has and what your rights as a taxpaying citizen are. You're likely to get stares, dropped jaws and non-answers. For whatever reasons, schools seem bound to protect the bullies and guard their rights.
As a parent, you cannot properly protect your child until you know who the bully is...he may be a neighbor, your son may have to ride the bus or walk to school with this boy, and so on. Ask the school why they are covering up for this boy. Since your son received injuries that required a doctor, you may want to consider legal advice and letting the school know that you are seeking counsel. Rather than bullying, your son was assaulted and is the continuing target of the bully.
I would have little trust in a school who not only failed to protect my child but then also engaged in cover up and refusing to cooperate with the parents of the victim to seek solutions. In cases such as these, I suggest seeking legal counsel from a source in your area. It isn't fair that you will be inconvenienced, it isn't fair that you will likely have legal fees on top of doctor bills, it isn't fair that your son is bullied/assaulted and the school is not cooperating...I've been there, done that. Your alternatives to not seeking legal advice would be to homeschool or change schools. But changing schools is not an easy thing to do and no guarantee that it won't happen elsewhere. Homeschooling is a major undertaking and not all can do it. Just something to think about.
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Julie has written a Guide for parents, schools, and other organizations to deal with bullying/relational aggression issues:
Relational Aggression: What it is, and What Parents, Schools, and Other Organizations Can Do About It
Bullying and relational aggression in schools
Check out StopRAtoday.com for info on bullying and relational aggression. For parents, teachers and others, a good resource is the Guide which I wrote, available in Word Document. It details what bullying and relational aggression is and what to do about it. Many have an idea of what bullying is but most resources are short on what to DO about it. My Guide gives ideas of what can be done which is simple, effective, and low cost.
Many anti-bullying programs cost hundreds to thousands of dollars, are difficult to implement, and often so burdensome that the program is either not followed or soon abandoned. My Guide is $15 and has suggestions/advice that is not burdensome, is simple, and low to zero cost to implement!
This Guide is good for bullying situations as well as relational aggression situations. Being proactice is key...have a program in advance that you and your parents and staff will actually use BEFORE school starts!
RelationalAggression: What it is, and what parents, schools, and other organizations can do about it
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Many anti-bullying programs cost hundreds to thousands of dollars, are difficult to implement, and often so burdensome that the program is either not followed or soon abandoned. My Guide is $15 and has suggestions/advice that is not burdensome, is simple, and low to zero cost to implement!
This Guide is good for bullying situations as well as relational aggression situations. Being proactice is key...have a program in advance that you and your parents and staff will actually use BEFORE school starts!
RelationalAggression: What it is, and what parents, schools, and other organizations can do about it
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Parenting leads to temporary insanity?
Q: Hi Mean Mom. I read something interesting today and wondered what your thoughts were? Here's the article link: Parenting leads to temporary insanity
A: I think that that article accurately describes many parents that I know. I was a bit more laid back, however. I am the oldest of 7 kids, and my son wasn't born born until I was nearly 33 years old. And having survived a childhood where we walked barefoot all summer, put all manner of germy things into our mouths (I even remember trying to chew tar one hot summer day when the workers were putting in a new road...) I can't ever remember my mother ever saying the word "germs" and thought it was just fine for us children, thrown outside all day, to drink from a water hose. We rode our bikes without helmets, and our skates/skateboards without padding. And survived!
We caught crickets and worms and toads and lightnin bugs and then ate popsicles without washing our hands. I pretty much raised my son the same way. He recently turned 18 and is quite healthy. I think he only got hoof and mouth disease once. He survived.
As for the temorary insanity thing...I've pretty much blocked all of that out. I don't recall too much of the toddler years so maybe I have amnesia. But that could be from the fact that he didn't sleep from birth to 15 months old.
I'll have to give that some thought. Thanks for the article link!
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
A: I think that that article accurately describes many parents that I know. I was a bit more laid back, however. I am the oldest of 7 kids, and my son wasn't born born until I was nearly 33 years old. And having survived a childhood where we walked barefoot all summer, put all manner of germy things into our mouths (I even remember trying to chew tar one hot summer day when the workers were putting in a new road...) I can't ever remember my mother ever saying the word "germs" and thought it was just fine for us children, thrown outside all day, to drink from a water hose. We rode our bikes without helmets, and our skates/skateboards without padding. And survived!
We caught crickets and worms and toads and lightnin bugs and then ate popsicles without washing our hands. I pretty much raised my son the same way. He recently turned 18 and is quite healthy. I think he only got hoof and mouth disease once. He survived.
As for the temorary insanity thing...I've pretty much blocked all of that out. I don't recall too much of the toddler years so maybe I have amnesia. But that could be from the fact that he didn't sleep from birth to 15 months old.
I'll have to give that some thought. Thanks for the article link!
*Copyright 2009 Julie P Clark
Daughter mean to friends
Q: I was informed today by one of the mom's who carpools her and my kids to and from camp that my daughter, who will be 11 next weekend, told two of the girls in the car that they could not come to her birthday party. She then went on to talk about the party in front of them and even made up what would be happening (boys are NOT invited, and it is not a sleepover). It was to just be a day of cake and ice cream, swimming in the pool, and a cookout that evening followed by a singalong and roasting marshmallows. Should we cancel the party?
A: I did something something back in the dark ages...I told a girl in my class that she couldn't come to my party. When my mother heard about it she said "Oh? Susie can't come to your party? Well, guess what? There's not going to be a party this year. We'll try again next year." And that was that. There was no party that year and I learned to treat people nicer. I was trying to be a bigshot and I got brought down a peg or two.
I'd definitely cancel the party, along with talking to her about treating people better and not humiliating them. What she did is considered part of relational aggression (excluding others on purpose) and is a form of bullying. If it is the first time, keep your eyes open and nip it in the bud if you see it again. Strong consequences.
She also lied to her friends, so I would have her apologize to them for lying and for excluding them. She should say something along the lines of "I lied about boys coming to the party and I lied about it being a sleep over. I was wrong to lie. I hurt your feelings by excluding you and I'm sorry." I'd have her apologize to these girls in front of the same group in which she humiliated them. Will she be humiliated? Possibly so. But in this regard, humiliation can be a good thing...a teaching tool.
In lieu of a party on her birthday, I'd also have her do some form of community service...yard work for a neighbor, picking up trash in the neighborhood, etc. This is the age when social/relational aggression can really take hold and become much worse so act strongly now!
*Copyright 2009 Julie P. Clark
A: I did something something back in the dark ages...I told a girl in my class that she couldn't come to my party. When my mother heard about it she said "Oh? Susie can't come to your party? Well, guess what? There's not going to be a party this year. We'll try again next year." And that was that. There was no party that year and I learned to treat people nicer. I was trying to be a bigshot and I got brought down a peg or two.
I'd definitely cancel the party, along with talking to her about treating people better and not humiliating them. What she did is considered part of relational aggression (excluding others on purpose) and is a form of bullying. If it is the first time, keep your eyes open and nip it in the bud if you see it again. Strong consequences.
She also lied to her friends, so I would have her apologize to them for lying and for excluding them. She should say something along the lines of "I lied about boys coming to the party and I lied about it being a sleep over. I was wrong to lie. I hurt your feelings by excluding you and I'm sorry." I'd have her apologize to these girls in front of the same group in which she humiliated them. Will she be humiliated? Possibly so. But in this regard, humiliation can be a good thing...a teaching tool.
In lieu of a party on her birthday, I'd also have her do some form of community service...yard work for a neighbor, picking up trash in the neighborhood, etc. This is the age when social/relational aggression can really take hold and become much worse so act strongly now!
*Copyright 2009 Julie P. Clark
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