Give them chores to keep them busy

Q: My 9 and 11 year old daughters are driving me crazy! It is nothing but constant bickering, yelling, and chasing through the house. It is impossible to get anything done (I work from home) and homeschool. The youngest will borrow something from her sister without asking and then the oldest gets mad and it becomes war on an almost daily basis. Sometimes the war lasts all day and I'm worn out. I've tried putting them in separate rooms when they start to fight but they will yell through the house, and make a mess of whatever room they are in (our house is small so they share a bedroom). I'd be grateful for any suggestions.


A: They're driving you crazy because you've let them have the keys, and they're too young too drive. Take back the keys. Instead of putting them in separate rooms as a punishment, just give them separate jobs...one can clean the bathroom while one pulls weeds. One can wash the woodwork or clean window wells while one washes the trash cans. You've just killed a lot of birds with one stone...your house is getting cleaner, your yard is looking better, they are too far apart to fight. You can work in peace. They are learning how to maintain a home.

You don't need to point out that they are being punished. But as soon as one of them starts something, give them both jobs to do. Kids these ages can do a lot...give them chores such as dusting, vaccuuming, washing woodwork, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen...look around, see what needs doing and assign them jobs.

Better than waiting for the fighting to begin, give them regular jobs (in my day they were called "chores") to do. If you haven't already, establish a routine...up, washed and dressed, breakfast. Chores or school work as your situation calls for.

Have them also begin learning to prepare meals...perhaps one can make lunch one day and her sister helps with dinner prep, and then switch the next day. They may not realize it now, and they almost certainly won't thank you for it now, but the valuable skills that they are learning in the 'classroom of the home' will serve them well in life.